This is a story of trauma, joy and enlightenment. I have had my share of "bumps" in the road. In 1989, having a child with Down's syndrome certainly shook my world to the core. At first I was angry. "Why me?" I asked, "why my son?" "Why at all?" "How could a creator who is supposed to be all loving do this to anyone?" I shook my fist at the sky and wept for nearly two years. There is a grieving process that happens when you give birth to a child who is not what you were expecting. I had no prior notice that there were any issues with the pregnancy. "No fair! I am a good person!" I said over and over again. At a time when I most needed my spirituality, all my beliefs about Karma were ripped away from me. I felt picked on by God, and it hurt so bad.
My marriage failed, I lost my house, and I could not function well enough to continue the business I had worked so hard to build. Lucky for me, I had two darling babies at home who kept me going. They, with their never ending sparkle every time they looked at me, saved me. My daughter, with her early development of language, and mobility would dote and kiss on her baby brother several times a day. She was oblivious to his disability. She adored him, and it taught me that love is love, plain and simple. My son, thrived under here tiny leadership, always trying to keep up with her, he strived to obtain the skills she had at 14 months his senior.
As the years went by they quietly, by their very nature, helped me come to realize that I had not been picked on by God after all. I had been picked out by God, and what an awesome life the three of us have had since. I went back to school earned 3 degrees, and bought another house. We raised several rescued animals together joyfully, and I was able to provide a living for us by working with children in one capacity or another over the past 20 years.
Recently another "bump" made me take a step back and really think about what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Breast cancer reared it's ugly head, and once again I questioned "why does this happen to people?" "What is the meaning of all this?" I did get my answer, but it came a little bit later. After my third recurrence and more doses of Chemo therapy than I care to recall, I decided it was time to take some time off work and get my health in check. It was scary resigning the job I had worked so hard to acquire, but my gut was leading me. Chemo took its toll, and I got a mortality pie in the face so to speak. I was shown clearly that life is not to be taken for granted. It made me think hard about how to spend my remaining days.
I knew I still had goals and ideas that had taken a back burner do to obligations over the years. I also wanted to find a retirement activity that I could involve my son in so that I could spend as much time as possible with him, and also demonstrate to the world what I knew about him. He is a teacher. He teaches love on the highest level.
In his community based education program in high school he had two favorite placements. One was in a daycare, and the other was at a local animal shelter. Epiphany! He loves the same things I do. It was staring me in the face, and I would not have seen it had I not been forced to take time off from work and given myself the luxury of time to think.
Downsy Dude Rescue Ranch will allow me to take all the skills I have acquired, all the therapeutic experience I have been privileged with, as well as all my favorite passions and apply them to the world in way that includes both my children. My daughter holds a degree in Zoology, and is excited about the project as well. She knows she will inherit the project some day and her little brother, who is now 22, will be by her side as a seasoned helper.
Suddenly all the "bumps" made perfect sense.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
Cat Fishing Downsy Dude style
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